..      , 


YUTZO 


mnranfl 


THE  GOD 


VUTZO 


OF 


BY 


LORD  GILHOOLEY 


SEVENTH  EDITION 


NEW  YORK 

FREDERICK  A.  STOKES  COMPANY 
PUBLISHERS 


COPYRIGHT  1896.  BY  FREDERICK  HENRI   SEYMOUR 

ALL  RIGHTS  RESERVED 


LrTLnjTriTi-rLn 


TO  YOUR  FRIENDS 


*  15 tit  wortf  are  tbino*.  and  a  fcrop  of  Ink, 
falling  like  tew,  upon  a  tbougbt,  pr<rt>uce» 
TTbat  *bicb  make*  tbotnanw,  pcrbap*  milltonf  tblnft." 

—Lord  8yrr>*. 


Introduction. 


was  on  a  bright,  crisp, 
February  morning,  that 
I  turned  out  of  the  Rue 
St  Roch,  Paris,  on  to 
the  Avenue  de  FOpera. 
There  I  found  the  same 
crowds  one  always  sees : 
tourists,  absorbed  in  the  bright  shop  windows;  em- 
ployees scurrying  along  wrapped  from  the  chill  air, 
in  hooded  pelerines?  black  robed  and  demure 
grisettes  bearing  enormous  boxes;  and  then,  as 
usual,  out  on  the  broad  pavement  of  the  Avenue, 
were  innumerable  cabs,  racing  hither  and  thither 
in  the  sunshine*  Away  down,  in  the  dim  vista, 
arose  the  magnificent  front  of  the  Grand  Opera 
House,  topped  with  gigantic  gilded  statuary,  glint- 


Ing  In  the  sunlight.    It  was  a  gay  scene,  a  seem 
one  only  sees  in  Paris* 

Idly  sauntering  along,  I  joined  the  crowd  In 
the  diversion  of  window  gazing.  Ah !  those  shop- 
keepers: with  what  artfulness  they  make  their 
displays,  for  one  is  continually  seeing  things  that 
are  just  what  he  wants  —  that  is,  before  he  buys 
them,  to  invariably  discover,  after,  that  he  could 
be  quite  happy  without;  indeed,  life  is  ever  thus, 
one  has  always  to  pay  for  indulging  in  illusions. 

It  was  just  half  way  down  the  Avenue  that 
I  came  to  the  gorgeous  windows  of  a  Japanese 
shop:  outside,  on  the  walk,  was  a  collection  truly 
bewildering;  there  were  long  swords;  there  were 
short  swords,  of  all  degrees  of  ornateness,  including 
that  savage  implement,  with  which  the  nobility  of 
Japan  are  supposed  to  commit  Hari-Kari:  there 
were  bronze  vases,  statuary  and  placques;  there 
were  gorgeous  screens,  gay  colored  fans  and  um- 
brellas, and  there  was,  row  upon  row,  of  those 
queer,  pottery  figures,  whose  heads  and  hands, 
once  set  going,  wig -wagged  in  time,  and  out  of 
time,  with  each  other,  for  an  interminable  period, 


and  made  one's  own  neck  and  hands  fairly  ache 
in  sympathy.  Inside  the  huge  windows,  were 
costly  fabrics  and  all  sorts  of  more  precious  bric- 
a-brac,  and  finally,  among  a  large  collection  of 
carved  ivory,  I  caught  sight  of  the  little  squat, 
begrimed  figure  of  YUTZO. 

It  was  the  first  time  I  had  ever  seen  him, 
and  now,  for  all  that  I  know,  unless  something 
untoward  happens,  we  are  likely  to  be  companions 
until  death  parts  us. 

Now  I  am  fully  aware,  that  from  this  on,  I 
am  to  tell  what  you  will  regard  as  a  strange  story: 
but  I  assure  you  it  is  true,  on  the  word  of  a 
Gilhodey ;  and  I  assure  you,  also,  that  wherever  a 
Gilhooley  is  known,  his  word  -is  as  good  as  his 
bond:  anyone  will  tell  you  that 

To  resume,  what  I  saw  on  that  memorable 
morning,  away  off  in  one  corner  of  that  window, 
upon  a  glass  shelf,  almost  hidden  by  the  other 
carvings,  was  the  little,  bunched  up  figure  of  a 
Japanese  god;  a  queer  little  man,  in  a  seated 
position,  with  a  bald  head,  a  protruding  abdomen 
and  with  ears  so  peculiar,  that  they  immediately 


engaged  my  attention.  The  lobes  of  each,  were 
enormously  broadened  and  extended  down  under 
his  chin,  giving  him  quite  a  bizarre  effect ; .  how- 
ever, his  face  bore  a  pleasant  expression,  which 
relieved  and  made  his  ugliness  attractive,  although 
his  mouth  was  partly  open,  as  if  singing,  or  say- 
ing something.  His  bald  head  shone  with  the 
polish  of  ages  and  the  raised  portions  of  the  entire 
carving,  including  the  nose,  the  cheek  bones,  the 
elbows,  the  abdomen  and  the  folds  of  his  robe  all 
shone  with  a  like  polish;  elsewhere,  on  the  figure, 
was  the  dark,  brown  grime  of  age.  The  whole 
effect  was  amusing  and  I  stood  there  for  some 
moments  regarding  the  quaint,  antique  figure,  and 
finally,  was  about  to  turn  away,  when,  as  I  am 
a  Irving  man,  I  could  have  sworn  that  I  saw  the 
ivory  lids  of  those  ivory  eyes,  open  and  look  me 
straight  in  the  face.  This  must  be  an  effect  produced 
by  the  shadows  of  the  window,  I  thought;  so  I 
moved  my  position  to  the  other  side,  when  once 
more  those  ivory  eyes  mutely  followed  me;  I 
fancied  I  could  see  them  open  and  dose.  This  was 
getting  interesting  and  I  went  inside  and  a  few 


moments  later  came  out:  the  little  ivory  god  was 
my  property  —  I  had  bought  him. 

As  I  walked  away,  I  took  him  from  my 
pocket  and  closely  regarded  him,  but  his  face  was 
as  immobile,  his  ivory  features  were  as  set  and 
his  ivory  eyes  were  as  expressionless,  as  those  of 
an  ivory  carving  could  well  be.  " Pshaw  1"  lex- 
claimed;  "another  case  of  hallucination!" 

In  my  chamber,  that  night,  the  little  god.  re- 
posed forgotten  on  the  cornice  of  a  huge,  French 
clock,  that  adorned  the  mantel.  It  was  late,  when 
I  casually  glanced  upward  to  see  the  time.  The 
little  figure  caught  my  eye.  What!  once  more  I 
fancied  those  ivory  eyes  regarded  me,  and  opened 
and  shut — this  time  I  was  sure:  it  was  not  fancy, 
then  my  wonder  and  astonishment  may  be  im- 
agined, when  the  figure  slowly  nodded  its  head 
and  spoke: 

"Welir  said  he,  in  a  voice  that  sounded 
very  remote  but  clear. 

I  sprang  from  my  chair,  and  walked  around 
the  table  pinching  myself,  to  make  sure  I  was  not 
dreaming. 


"Am  I  mad!"  I  cried. 

44 Nothing  of  the  kind!"  answered  the  figure. 
"  It  is  all  quite  natural  and  you  are  neither  mad 
nor  dreaming,  but  you  are  being  favored  with  a 
rare  and  extraordinary  exhibition  of  psychic  force. 
— I  will  explain/'  it  continued: 

"I  am  YUTZO.  Centuries  before  the  known 
history  of  man,  I  was.  The  centuries  rolled  behind 
me  until  through  a  succession  of  reincarnations  and 
karmic  changes,  my  Ego  became  free  and  untram- 
meled  by  the  limitations  known  to  man,  and  I 
became  possessed  of  the  powers  of  association 
and  disassociation : — as  you  see  me  now,  my  Ego 
is  associated  with  this  figure.  It  is  through  it  I 
speak  to  you.  It  is  through  such  associations  as 
this,  that  idolatry  had  its  rise — as  you  may  wit- 
ness in  the  Delphic  oracle,  and  the  statue  of  Metn- 
non,  Egypt.  Idolatry  fell,  not  through  its  falsity, 
but  by  the  duplicity  of  man. 

"In  the  year  763  B.  C,  as  you  moderns  com- 
pute time,  a  skilled  workman  of  Hakodadi,  Japan, 
by  the  name  of  Ouchi  Ivamimi  Kiogoku,  made 
this  figure  by  carving  it  from  the  tusk  of  a  mas- 


todon,  that  once  roamed  the  steppes   of   Russia, 
centuries  even,  before  the  pyramids  of  Egypt  were 
built.    When  completed,  this  little  ivory  figure,  of 
the  Sintu  god  YUTZO,  became  my  abode  art! 
since  that  time,  where  it  has  gone,  I  have  gone 
and  it  shall  continue  to  be  my  abiding  place  until 
my  next  great  karmic  change,  calls  me  higher  to- 
ward  Nirvana.     Meanwhile,   the    events  of  the 
passing  centuries,  have  thundered    over    me.     If 
great  libraries  of  books  were  to  be  written,  they 
could  not  contain  a  relation  of  all  that  I  have  ex- 
perienced, have  seen  and  have  heard; — of  events 
on  land  and  sea,  of  wars,  pestilences  and  famine. 
I  have  been  transported  from  the  hovels  of   the 
poor  to  the  boudoirs  of  empresses;  I  have  time 
and  again,  nestled  in  the  pockets  of  adventurers, 
and    have    passed    from   the   blood-stained  hands 
of  murderers  to  the  dainty  fingers  of  court  beau- 
ties.   I  have  reposed  peacefully,  for  centuries,  in 
museums,  temples,  and  in  innumerable  households, 
again,    been    tossed    in    ships,    on    troubled  seas, 
visiting    all    parts    of   the  earth*      I  have  passed 
through  the  hands  of  multitudes,  from  the  posses- 


sion  of  African  kings,  to  American  cowboys.  Ah, 
indeed!  this  world  is  very  old  to  me  and  very, 
very  small*  And  alas!  far  as  I  have  advanced, 
in  karma  above  you,  I  have  yet,  aeons  of  time, 
before  I  can  reach  Nirvana,  but  it  is  only  at  rare 
intervals,  among  the  centuries,  that  I  have  been 
able  to  gather  together  psychic  force  sufficient  to 
overcome  the  various  conditions  surrounding  me 
to  enable  me  to  speak  to  mortal  man,  as  I  now 
do  to  you." 

The  astonishment  and  awe,  with  which  I 
listened  to  this  extraordinary  harangue,  can  be  but 
faintly  imagined— I  sat  there  with  staring  eyes, 
gazing  at  the  ivory  figure  and  listening  with 
breathless  attention,  now  and  again  pinching  myself, 
to  see  if  I  was  really  awake. 

"Fiend  or  devil  or  disembodied  spirit,  or 
whatever  you  are!"  I  cried,  jumping  to  my  feet, 
"if  you  will,  then  tell  me  of  those  things,  men 
most  would  know!  What  is  life?  What  is  fire? 
What  is  electricity,  and  above  afl,  what  are  those 
strange  forces  mystifying  the  wise,  of  the  present 
age,  that  dreamland  of  thought  and  mysterious 


power ;  that  other  world  surrounding  us,  we  know 
to  be,  yet  know  not  of?" 

YUTZO  smiled  on  me  pityingly  and  replied 
—  "All  these  things,  I  know  and  could  tell,  but 
you  must  realize,  that  wisdom  comes  to  man, 
only  as  fast  as  he  is  fitted  to  receive  it;  all 
thought,  all  life,  is  but  a  process  of  evolution,  pro- 
gressive and  sure — and  did  I  but  seek  to  tell  you 
these  things,  you  would  not  understand  them,- 
You  cannot  know  what  I  know,  except  that  you 
experience  what  I  have  experienced.  There  is 
nothing  new  under  the  sun ;  discoveries  of  mortals, 
are  but  the  unfolding  of  wisdom  that  is  as  eternal 
as  truth,  which  also  will  come  to  man,  when  he 
is  fitted  to  receive  it  In  my  reincarnations,  the 
events  of  which  I  am  now  permitted  to  look  back 
upon  and  review,  I  have  progressed  from  the 
dawn  of  human  history  and  in  all  those  centuries 
I  solemnly  tell  you,  oh!  mortal  man,  oh!  restless 
occidental;  I  have  found  nothing  new — nol  there 
is  nothing  new!" 

Thereafter,  for  many  nights,  YUTZO  favored 
me  with  discourse  philosophical,  and  with  discourse 


ethical,  but  no  word,  from  this  worldly  wise  god, 
could  I  get,  of  those  mysteries  so  fascinating  to 
men.  Finally,  I  bethought  me,  that  not  being 
much  of  a  scholar,  he  might  unbend  to  a  man 
more  learned  than  I,  and  that  I  would  have  Father 
Macshane  talk  with  him,  for  he  was  a  man, 
than  whom,  I  knew  none  more  wise* 

I  therefore,  invited  Father  Macshane  to  my 
apartments  one  evening,  without  telling  him  why 
I  wanted  him. 

I  will  never  forget  the  night  he  came,  but 
for  the  first  time  I  waited  in  vain  for  YUTZO 
to  speak  that  evening;  and  he  spoke  not  a  word 
that  evening,  and  for  a  fact,  the  Me  ivory  god, 
has  never  opened  his  ivory  lips  since.  The  even- 
ing grew  apace  while  I  was  waiting  wearily  and 
ill  at  ease  and  Father  Macshane  finally  arose  to 
go,  when,  in  sheer  desperation,  I  blurted  out  the 
whole  story  to  him,  he,  the  meanwhile,  eyeing 
me  curiously  first,  and  then  the  god  who  sat  upon 
the  clock  stolid  and  immovable  as  a  sphinx; 
and  when  I  had  finished  he  said,  with  great 
earnestness: 


"Here  nowl  here  now!  what's  this?  d'ye  mean 
to  tell  me  that  that  dirty  bit  of  carved  ivory,  that 
hideous  emblem  of  paganism,  has  been  talking  to 
you?  Or,  that  if  it  did,  that  that  symbol  of  the 
devil  would  tell  you  anything  good?  Look  here 
now,  my  son,  the  Gilhooleys  of  Castle  Bally- 
ghatally  have  a  reputation  for  veracity  extending 
away  back  for  generations;  don't  let  it  be  your 
place,  the  last  of  the  race,  to  put  a  blot  upon  it. 
See  here,  now,  d'ye  tell  no  living  man,  even  in  a 
whisper,  that  that  hideous  idol  has  been  talking 
to  ye." 

"But,  Father  Macshane,"  remonstrated  I, 
"it  really  has  talked  to  me,  and,  more  than  afl 
that,  it  has  said  a  great  many  good  and  wise 
things,  and,  besides,  I  have  made  notes  of  many 
of  them." 

"Tut  I  Tut  I"  answered  the  reverend  Father, 
waving  his  hand.  "Tell  no  man  — tell  no  man; 
but,  if  you  must  fancy  that  ivory  devil  there  has 
said  anything  ye  want  the  world  to  know,  publish 
it  modestly — put  it  mild,  my  Lord." 


For  the  life  of  me,  since  that  time  1  never 
have  dared  to  speak  of  the  matter.  But  it  was 
only  last  spring  good  Father  Macshane  died,  and 
now  I  am  emboldened  to  gjve  the  aphorisms  of 
(YUTZO  to  the  world,  despite  the  fact  that  many 
of  them  may  sound  familiar  to  modern  ears.  I 
know,  of  course,  they  have  lost  much  by  being 
deprived  of  the  quaint  language  of  YUTZO,  and 
by  being  put  in  modern  garb.  There  is  one  thing, 
however,  in  which  I  have  followed  the  advice  of 
the  good  Father  Macshane,  that  is,  to  put  them 
before  the  world  modestly,  for  if  a  binding  of 
sackcloth  is  not  modest,  I  don't  know  what  is:  and 
may  the  critics  use  me  for  a  football. 

LORD  GELHOOLEY. 


EPIGRAMS  OF  YUTZO 


won't  drown 
trouble,  it  only  fat- 
tens it. 

z 

Credit  is  a  false  friend 
who  only  stays  with  you 
until  you  are  in  trouble. 


H  man  in  debt  is  like 
a  cat  up  a  tree— goes  up 
easily,  then  yowls  to  get 
down. 


C6HS6D  teaser  is 
a  tired  man. 


Cbere  are  people  who 
never  will  get  into  the 
heavenly  orchestra  because 
they  refuse  to  play  any- 
thing but  first  fiddle. 


H  pin  prick  passes— 
pen  prick  abides. 


»Od  can't  discover 
prosperity  by  look- 
ing for  it  through  the 
bottom  of  a  tumbler. 

8 

Che  corkscrew  has  be- 
come nearly  as  mighty  as 
the  sword. 

9 

drite  in  haste  repent 
more  hastily. 


1O 


SJVHL6  provoked 
is  a  groan  revoked. 


H  "bail  fellow  well  met" 
starts  witb  more  friends 
tban  be  needs  and  ends  by 
needing  more  friends  tban 
be  bas. 


12 


Its  very  easy  to  judge 
bow  mucb  smoking  and 
drinking  otber  people 
dbould  do. 


13 

f  OOL,  is  most  a, 
fool    because    be 
knows  not  be  is  a  fool 

H 

Co  tbe  insane  man, 
everybody  else  is  crazy, 

'5 

Slild  oats  yield  a  crop 
of  experience  obtained  at 
tbe  expense  of  bealtb. 


i6 

iI8CO]NfCe)NfC  is  a 
companion   that 
will  never  travel  alone* 

'7 

people  who  find  it  easy 
to  decide  for  their  friends, 
find  it  -bard  to  decide  for 

themselves. 

18 

H  light  heart  goes  easily 
with  a  heavy  purse. 


[C'S  not  the  loudest 
amens,  that  get  the 
Lord's  ear  the  quickest 

20 

People  who  have  lots 
of  advice  to  give,  dislike 
to  take  any. 

21 

H  tramp  is  one  who 
has  played  all  his  trumps 
and  lost. 


\  JVIHJS"  who  transacts 
business  when  he 
is  cither  drunk  or  angry, 
is  sure  to  make  a  mistake. 


Tis  folly  to  say  any- 
thing, when  you  know 
nothing. 

Che  over  smart  man,  is 
always  discovering  fools. 


who  wait 
for  something  to 
turn  up  —  always  die 
guessing. 


Chere  is  some  hope  for 
the  fool,  who  discovers 
he  can  be  mistaken. 


Christmas  is  truly  mer- 
ry only  to  those  who  think 
of  others. 


186  men  are  never 
silent  —  they  sim- 
ply hnowjwben  to  be. 


people  who  strive  to 
appear  to  be  wbat  tbey 
are  not,  only  succeed  in 
being  nothing. 


3O 


Some  people  tbinfc  poli- 
cy is  tbe  best  bonesty. 


31 

man  who  gives 
himself  airs,  deals 
in  a  cheap  commodity. 

32 

H  "faint  heart"  won  by 

"fair  Lady,"  is  apt  to  be 
led  by  the  nose. 

33 

]Mot  the  early  riser,  but 
he  who  gets  the  best  sleep, 
wins  the  worms. 


a  disagreement 
between  husband 
and  wife,  the  interference 
of  relations  is  not  arbi- 
tration, it  is  wan 


H  truly  good  man  never 
worries  about  eternal  sal- 
vation. * 

Cbe  worst  burt,  do  not 
cry  tbe  loudest. 


|O  one  appreciates 
dinner  as  much,  as 
he  who  has  gone  without 
breakfast*  g 

]Motberbood,  is  the 
grandest  thing  in  nature. 

39 

3Qben  it  is  necessary  for 
a  wife  to  go  abroad  com- 
plaining of  her  husband, 
it  is  time  for  a  divorce. 


vently  in  church  on 
Sunday  and  prey  hard  on 
week  days,  in  business. 

V 

HU  men  are  submissive 
in  the  presence  of  Death. 

1* 

Che  idiots  who  laud 
riches,  as  the  standard  of 
success,  preach  misery. 


JDV8RSICY  is  like 
tbe  Dentist  wbo 
tortures  you  to  do  you 
good,  and  wben  it  is  over, 
you  are  grateful  to  bim. 

>* 

Cbe  man  wbo  wont  be 
afraid,  is  far  braver  tban 
be  wbo  does  not  know 
fear. 

H  well  told  lie,  never 
goes  into  details. 


46 

would  be 
fewer  fools,  if 
half  the  thought  were  ex- 
pended on  filling  the 
mind  that  there  is  in  fill- 
ing the  stomach. 

^7 
fto  greater  liar  than 

he  who  lies  to  himself. 

48 

f)e\who  kills  time,  mur- 
ders opportunity. 


cannot  buy  wisdom. 


JMany  people  live  and 
learn,    but    never   grow 

wiser. 

5' 

Self  conceit  is  self  es- 
teem run  amuck. 


6HSCZR6  always 
eludes  him  who 
makes  a  business  of  seek- 
ing her. 

5* 
Che  difference  between 

pain  and  pleasure,  is,  the 
one  is  real  and  the  other 
imaginary. 

54 

Knowledge  is  the  dis- 
covery of  Ignorance. 


55 

&6HC  capacity  for 
joy,  means  great 
capacity  for  sorrow, 


Re  who  aspires  to  pub- 
lic position,  offers  bis 
character  for  a  football. 

57 

Re  writes  well,  wbo 
does  not  write  mucb. 


58 

P^pte  become 
the  slave  of  cir- 


59 

H  man  has  more  to 
fear  from  bis  friends 
tban  bis  enemies— be  gen- 
erally knows  wbo  bis  ene- 
mies are.  * 


6i 

comes  not 
so    much    from 
earning,  as  from  the  use 
that  is  made  of  it 

62 

fashion  is  the  adopting 
of  other  people's  follies, 
as  our  own. 

63 

Re  that  does  the  most, 
talks  the  least  of  what  he 
is  doing. 


>HppI]Sr6SS  comes 
with  leaden  wings 
and  fades  away  like  light- 
ning. 


Sorrow  conies  swiftly 
and  flies  away  on  leaden 

wings.        ~ 

66 

]Men  prefer  to  be  flat- 
tered most  for  qualities 
they  do  not  possess. 


67 

BHO  habit  is  like 
a  small  fire,  at 
first,  easily  quenched,  but 
suffered  to  live,  increases 
beyond  control  and  ends 
in  making  ruin. 

68 

JMisspent  time,  means 
misspent  money. 

69 

H  lofty  mind  despises 
the  hate  of  the  envious. 


70 

RHIS6  ia  the  food 
of  fools — but  all 
men  like  it* 

7* 

Che  hardest  trial  of 
life,  is  to  endure  evil  not 
of  our  own  making. 

7* 

Che  deeds  of  mighty 
men,  have  their  birth  in 
great  hopes. 


7* 

|C'S  a  slight  differ- 
ence in  favor  of 
the  fool — that  between 
him,  and  the  half  learned 

man.          _ 

7i 

pedantry,  is  learning 
without  amiability. 

75 

Chose  are  the  fools, 
who  made  the  error  of 
calling  vice,  pleasure. 


76 

.6f>  aims  may  not 
bring  perfection, 
but  they  advance  one 
toward  it.  _ 

Cbere  are  people  who 
spend  all  the  time  griev- 
ing for  the  past,  that  they 
should  use  in  preparing 
for  the  future. 

78 

Re  who  gains  power, 
pays  ease  for  it. 


79 

while 

it   adorns  merit, 
often  conceals  the  want 

of  it.  0^ 

80 

H  Demagogue  is  a  hyp- 
ocrite who  poses  under 
the  cloak  of  patriotism,  to 
serve  his  own  petty  ends. 

81 

JMany  things  are  done 
in  the  name  of  justice, 
that  are  provoked  by  envy. 


CHJMDHL  is  like  a 
flea-tbe  more  you 
seek  to  locate  it,  tbe  more 
it  will  travel  and  tbe 
barder  it  will  bite. 


young  fool  may  get 
wisdom—  an  old  fool  is  a 
fool  forever. 


H  man  with  an  empty 
stomacb*i8  a  poor  listener. 


85 

people  are 
the  most  comical, 
who  are  funny  without 
meaning  to  be  so. 

86 

Some  men  succeed  in 
getting  several  different 
kinds  of  reputations* 

87 

people  who  seek  to  ex- 
cuse their  faults,  are  only 
half  repentant  of  them. 


88 

P™*<  to- 
ft burden  to  an 

ass,  that  poverty  soon 
unloads.     ~ 

8p 

Chere  are  people  who 
get  so  busy  preparing  for 
heaven,  that  they  neglect 
matters  here  below. 

90 

Some  men  find  it  hard 
to  make  the  distinction 
between  a  wife  and  a  slave. 


t 


9* 

1R6  gay  distress  of 
wealth,  has  as 
keen  a  pang,  as  that  of 
poverty. 

Che  longest  line  of  il- 
lustrious ancestry,  can- 
not ennoble  a  fool,  a  sot, 
or  a  knave. 

H  cheerful  potentate,  is 
he,  whose  kingdom  is  a 
well  stored  library. 


who  desire 
to  have  everybody 
else's  sins  punished — al- 
ways forget  their  own. 

95 

H  man  who  is  prodigal 
with  his  time,  will  also  be 
prodigal  with  his  money. 

96 

Some  people  are  in  such 
a  hurry  that  they  always 
run  past  their  goal. 


97 

iO)M6  men  arc  so 
quarrelsome  that 
they  find  it  difficult  even 
to  be  in  good  humor  with 
tbcmcselves. 


98 

knowing  what  to 
do-it's  best  to  do  notbing. 

99 

Dope  is  a  lottery:—  to 
one  prize  tbere  are  a 
million  blanks. 


10O 

[ROSS  only  deserve 
wealth  who  rule 
it  instead  of  being  ruled 

*>?'*• 

101 

Sometimes  a  rash  word 
will  overthrow  the  results 
of  a  lifetime  of  prudent 

reticence.    ^. 

1 02 

'Cis  sad  that  prudence 
should  only  be  purchased 
by  age,  when  follies  have 
all  been  committed. 


103 

If  6od  has  not  made 
you  a  poet,  for 
God's  sake  don't  try  to 
be  an  orator. 


It's  an  unhappy  house- 
hold, where  all  the  smiles 
are  dispensed  in  society 
and  all  the  frowns  at 

home*         ,^ 

105 

Che  greatest  wisdom, 
is  to  have  learned  to  think. 


io6 

hatred  and 
malice  are  never 
missing  in  the  mirthful 
train  of  success. 

107 

Discouragements  only 
make  the  brave  more 
resolute.  log 

H  man  who  does  things 
in  a  hurry,  is  in  peril  of 
losing  command  of  what 
he  is  about. 


lop 

!ReS6RVe  us  from 
the  bore,  who  in- 
sists on  turning  conver- 
sation into  argument 

no 

Cbe  pharisaicat  bring 
more  contempt  on  Relig- 
ion, than  the  scoffer. 

in 

Child-tike  faith  may  do 
in  religion,  but  it  won't 
do  in  business* 


112 

man  may  not 
tbrasb  three  men, 
but  be  wbo  sets  tbat 
number  as  bis  mark  may 
tbrasb  two, 

113 

Ome  is  a  double  tbief , 
it  not  only  steals  our 
years,  but  takes  enjoy- 
ment too.  <  „  . 

Mi 

Dope  bas  killed  more 
people  tban  fear. 


"5 

man  who  calls 
himself  names  is 
more  likely  to  be  telling 
the  truth  than  lying. 

Vii6 

Chose  whom  unkind- 
ness  has  made  crabbed, 
are  best  won  by  kindness. 

117 

Chere  are  people  who 
find  their  greatest  happi- 
ness, in  being  melancholy. 


\ 

P]M6  people  think  a 
piece  of  ice  in  one 
hand,  will  deaden  the  pain 
of  a  coal  of  fire  in  the 
other. 


Beware  of  him,  who 
without  cause,  develops 
a  sudden  friendship  for 


120 

fate  has  in  store  for 
men  exactly  what  they  are 
preparing  for  themselves. 


121 

if>6  best  way  to  get 
the  world  to  bate 
you,  ia  to  bate  it. 

122 

Hn  owr-dressed  man, 
is  an  unfortunate  individ- 
ual witb  a  passion  for 
absurdity.  „  ' 

123 

Some  people  are  like 
soap  bubbles  -  attractive 
wben  first  seen-but  wben 
you  try  to  grasp  tbem — I 


JLL  great  deeds  are 
.^^  built  of  small 
efforts,  upon  a  founda- 
tion of  labor. 


J^otbing  will  silence  a 
fool  sp  quickly  as  ridi- 
cule—but it's  difficult  to 
find  a  fool  who  will  feel 


Re  who  revenges  most, 
threatens  the  least. 


fi 


\VJ 

f  harsh  words  do 
not  provoke  fear 
and  hate,  they  may  pro- 
voke rebellion  and  over- 
throw, o 

It    would    be    worth 
knowing,  how  many  of 
;  those  who  smile  upon  us, 
while  smiling,  really  hate 

f)e  who  seeks  pleasure 
most,  finds  it  least 


13O 

prows  a 

blessing  to  him 
who  gains  from  it  the 
lesson  of  thrift. 

131 

Youth,  starts  life  with 
many  companions,  but  in 
old  age  finds  only  new 
faces  and  sad  memories. 

132 

Chere  is  no  dog  who 
loves  to  bite  better  than 
the  dog  that  has  no  teeth. 


133 

;CF)6S  are  a  curse 
to  the  man,  who 
is  always  affright  for 
fear  charity  will  get  the 
better  of  hie  meanness. 


<&ben  a  woman  finally 
gives  "  because  "  as  a  rea- 
son, further  argument 
may  cease,  for  it  will  be 
like  a  circle-go  round  and 
round  and  never  reach 
the  center. 


man  al- 
ways has  his  eyes 
open— though  he  may  af- 
fect to  be  blind. 

136 

Some  people  substitute 
ideas  for  reality  and  thus 
go  through  life  hugging 

delusions.  ,,„ 
.1*7 

Some  people  imagine 
they  can  climb  up  to  heav- 
en on  the  ladder  of  prayer. 


138 

OJM6  women  would 
be  like  men— yet  if 
women  were  like  men,  love 
would  die. 

139 

Re  of  the  moaf  wit 
laughs  the  least* 

140 

Hssurance  counts  most, 
when  its  real  impudence 
is  veiled  by  a  cloak  of 
feigned  modesty. 


HI 

j€'S  a  happy  thing, 
there  is  no  law, 
compelling  wise  men  to 
read  what  fools  write. 


It  is  the  critical,  who 
are  most  sensitive  to  crit- 
icism* 


w 

Che  world  is  full  of 
men,  who  realize  how  easy 
it  is,  to  wreck  a  career  by 
a  few  thoughtless  words. 


:6  wbo  travels  with 
Rope,  shortens  bis 
journey. 

H  true  friend  will  not 
only  tell  you  of  tbe  quali- 
ties you  possess,  but  of 
tbose  you  lack;  but  where 
is  he?  6 

Hn  Hnarchist,  is  one 
who  would  regenerate 
mankind  on  wind-and  be 
himself  would  supply  it. 


,  though  de- 
vised for  the  friv- 
olous, is  one  thing  the  sen- 
sible will  Mindly  follow. 


Che  best'  way  to  deal 
with  misfortune,  is  to 

bear  it. 

HP 

Bnvironment  has  de- 
veloped in  woman  the 
power  to  overcome  -the 
cruelty  of  man  with  craft. 


men  consider 
e  the  place  to 
redistribute  the  bard 
knocks  tbcy  get  in  tbe 
world  outside. 


Cbe  wise  are  always 
patient  witb  tbe  drivelings 
of  a  fool 

Cbe  crop  of  enemies  we 
raise  keeps  pace  witb  our 
success  in  life. 


OOO  example 

influence     more 
men  than  enacted  laws. 


Chat's  a  particularly 
unattractive  idiot,  who 
gets  mad  at  people,  be- 
cause they  do  not  think  as 
he  does. 


Che  friendship  of  boon 
companions    is 
but  a  league  of  vice. 


156 

if)6R6  arc  women, 
who  remind  one 
of  angels—  because  they 
are  so  different. 


F)e  who  thinks  of  crime, 
is  in  danger  of  commit- 
ting  it 

Che  sum  of  wisdom,  is, 
to  acquire  skill, 

Co  well  distinguish 
good  from  ill. 


'59 

people  are  so 

busy  living,  they 
do  not  pause  to  see  what 
life  really  is. 

160 

'Cis  either  a  very  brave, 
or  a  very  foolish  man, who 
dares  criticise  woman. 

161 

]Many  call  "III  luck," 
that  which  is  only  neglect 
to  improve  opportunity. 


like  a  bubble — it 
cannot  be  cracked — but 
once  touched,  it  disap- 
pears. J63 

Cbere  are  people  who 
fear  death  less  than  pub- 
lic opinion. 

Cbere  are  people  who 
make  themselves  so  ridic- 
ulous living,  that  they  are 
not  forgotten  when  dead. 


165 

:6  who  is  too  busy  to 
consider  bis  faults, 
will  never  take  time  to 
mend  tbem. 

166 

Cbere  are  tourists  who 
so  busy  themselves  in 
traveling,  that  tbey  see 

nothing.       , 

167 

Cbere  are  people  wbo 
bave  no  other  excuse  for 
living  but  to  eat 


1 68 

OIOJYIHJV'S  wrath, 
is  not  half  so  much 

to  be  feared  as  her  du- 

plicity. 

It  is  not  wise  to  lose  a 
a  friend,  or  gain  an  en- 
emy, for  the  mere  pleas- 
ure of  a  joke. 

170 

fools  are  always  con- 
gratulating themselves  on 
their  wisdom. 


171 

OOK  out  for  your 
purse  in  the  pres- 
ence of  the  man  who 
boasts  of  his  honesty. 


3dhen  a  man  commenc- 
es to  toboggan  down  the 
slide  of  misfortune  —  his 
neighbors  will  grease  the 
way  and  kind  strangers 
will  assist  his  relatives 
to  give  him  a  push  along 
in  passing. 


"V  * 

f 


173 

|f>6  best  way  to  get 
criticised,    is    to 
seek  to  avoid  it. 

174 

H  wise  man  is  not  too 
eager  to  hope,  nor  too 
quick  to  despair. 


H  Cemetery,  is  a  place 
where  the  epitaphs  on  the 
tombs,/  above,  lie  about 
those  who  lie  below. 


is  made 

of  never  ending  en- 
deavor, opposed  by  never 
ceasing  disappointment— 
a  fight  to  the  finish,  al- 
ways won  by  patience. 

'77 

Gfoman  is  guided  more 
by  intuition  than  by  rea- 
son; she  becomes  like  a 
ship  without  a  rudder, 
when  she  abandons  both. 


178 

society  is 
like  a  field  of 
battle,  where  people  mer- 
rily pass  along  to  each 
other,  the  stabs  they  re- 
ceive, and  let  smiles  and 
sweet  words,  serve  to  hide 

the  pain* 

179 

Chere  are  people  who 
accumulate  vast  stores  of 
gloom,  and  then  mistake 
it  for  sanctity. 


i8o 

HO  habits  increase 
in  strength  faster 
than  age,  which  decreases 
our   strength   to   resist 

them.          0. 

18 1 

Che  envious  hate  others 
for  those  things  they  do 
;  not  themselves,  possess. 

18* 

Some  people  get  a  deal 
of  pleasure  out  of  deny- 
ing themselves  pleasure. 


:6    who    possesses 
knowledge  without 
wisdom — yet  gropes   in 

darkness. 

i 

Che  best  of  men  have 
weaknesses,  but  the  wise- 
cat  take  care  not  to  exhibit 

them. 

185 

Chose  who  suffer  the 
least,  have  the  most  time 
to  complain. 


i86 

Sf)6  most  miserable 
people  In  the  world, 
are  those  who  are  too  busy 
to  be  happy. 

187 

Sometimes  the  ill  will 
of  a  fool,  is  more  harm- 
ful than  the  favor  of  a 

wise  man.    nn 

188 

Chat  rage  is  the  most 
dangerous,  which  is  the 
most  silent. 


»O  reward  of  great- 
ness can  be  so 
sweet,  as  tbe  blessings  of 
tbe  grateful. 

190 

Cbere  are  people  so  mis- 
guided by  ambition,  tbat 
tbey  mistake  notoriety, 
for  fame. 

Beauty  may  cbarm  tbe 
eye,  but  it  is  merit,  tbat 
wins  tbe  beart. 


the  rich  them- 
selves know  bow 
unhappy  they  -are—  no  one 
else  will  believe  it. 

193 

ffot  be  tbat  wails  tbe 
loudest,  grieves  tbe  most. 


Cbe  evil  tbat  a  bad 
woman  may  do,  is  only 
limited  by  ber  bealtb, 
strength  and  longevity. 


'95 

>f>6  poorest  man  ,in 
world  18  be  who 
desires  much  when  he  has 

little. 

196 

Slise  men  weigh  their 
words  well— that  they 
may  not  fall  short  or  .be 
found  Wanting,  when  once 

uttered. 

197 

Cell  a  Dude  be  cares  not 
for  dress,  and  be  is  then 
most  flattered. 


T1CT)  a  majority  of 
mankind,  friend- 
ship means  only  a  faintly 
disguised  neutrality. 

199 

)^o  man  has  ever  sound- 
ed the  depths  of  a  wom- 
an's love— nor  of  her  du- 
plicity. 
r      7        200 

Chere  are  people  whose 
awful  propriety  fatigues 
them— and  every  one  else. 


201 

iO)M6  people  are  so 
occupied  in  reveng- 
ing past  injuries,  that 
they  are  wholly  unpre- 
pared for  new  ones. 


Cbere  is  no  greater  in- 
difference than  that  of 
youth,  which  regards  care- 
lessly its  inevitable  fate, 
always  in  view,  in  the 
decrepitude  of  age. 


2O3 

6OS8Ip,  is  one 
whose  hatred  is 
a  prejudice,  and  whose 
friendship  is  a  disadvan- 
tage. 

Some  people  with  an 
idea,  are  like  an  ass  bear- 
ing a  pole  with  a  wisp  of 
hay  hung  in  front  of  his 
nose— they  will  follow  af- 
ter what  they  themselves 
carry,  until  they  are  lost. 


205 

are  people 
who  are  mean  for 
no  other  reward  than 
the  satisfaction  meanness 
gives  them. 

206 

H  good  listener,  easily 
acquires  a  reputation  for 

wisdom. 

207 

Some  people  fancy  that 
a  lie  well  stuck  to,  is  as 
good  as  the  truth. 


,     ' 


can    never 

_^__    gain  the  favor  of 
a  woman  by  arguing  with 

her. 

209 

Cbere  are  many  who, 
finding  honesty  weari- 
some—foolishly think  to 
find  ease  in  knavery. 


music  will  cause  the 
world  to  stop  its  ears  so 
quickly,  as  a  song  of  woe. 


211 


spend  the  latter 
half  of  their  lives, 
nursing  ills  brought  upon 
them  by  their  ignorance 
in  the  first  half. 


Chrice  armed  is  he  for 
the  battle  of  life—  who  has 
had  the  luck  to  get  a  good 
wife. 

213 

H  man  fool  is  silly—  a 
woman  fool  is  devilish. 


p)V[6  people  can't 
understand  how 
anybody  else,  except  them- 
selves, can  have  any  joys 
or  sorrows. 

i 

fiords  will  not  right 
injustice  half  so  quick,  as 
silence  and  time. 

Che  weakest  woman,  is 
she  with  the  least  tact. 


217 

If  it  were  as  easy  to 
be  good,  as  it  is  to 
be  bad-lazy  people  would 
all  become  saints. 

218 

Love  and  Reason,  are 
rare  companions* 

up 

Hn  incredible  number 
of  mankind  are  trying  to 
make  a  square  plug,  fit  a 
round  bole. 


22O 

iR6  surest  way  to 
make  a  man  ill,  is 
to  tell  htm  be  looks  so. 

221 

Che  gentility  of  a  per- 
son who  is  at  the  pains 
to  announce  it,  can  be 

doubted. 

222 

H  crank,  is  one  who 
feels  he  never  can  rest, 
until  he  has  made  the  rest 
of  mankind  like  himself. 


BCIR6LHR  is  a 
man  who  does  hid 


preying  in  private. 


Cbere  are  people  who 
can  see  others'  faults  with 
eyes  shut,  but  could  not 
see  their  own  with  a  mi- 

croscope. 

225 

Indulgence  to  children, 
breeds  ingratitude. 


labor  of  those 
who  labor  to  es- 
cape labor  is  the  most 
laborious  of  labor. 

227 

H  'Joker  is  a  man  who 
makes,  but  never  takes 

jokes. 

9  228 

Cbere  are  people  who 
laboriously  spend  their 
time  trying  to  find  the 
easiest  way  to  live. 


C011 

tempt  for  the  fol- 
lies of  others,  have  only 
excuses  for  their  own. 

23O 

Some  people  will  ask 
for  advice,  and  then  get 
mad  if  it  don't  suit  them. 

231 

H  full  purse  and  an 
empty  head  soon  change 
conditions. 


232 

OJM6  people  so  busy 
themselves  in  car- 
ing for  the  morals  of 
others,  that  they  have  no 
time  to  observe  the  un- 
laundered  condition  of 
their  own  peculiarities. 

233 

Some  people  fear  the 
end  of  the  journey  be- 
tween the  cradle  and  the 
grave  so  much,  that  they 
shorten  it  by  haste. 


who  are  the 
most  willing  to 
wait  are  those  who  have 
to  wait  the  longest. 

X 

235 

Patience  is  the  gift  of 

experience. 

236 

Some  people  harbor  a 
feeling  of  injury  toward 
anyone  better  off  than 
themselves. 


137 

O]M6  preachers,  in 
their  zeal,  cast 
adrift  from  the  doctrines 
of  the  Bible  and  maunder- 
ing aimlessly  on  the  sea 
of  Rhetoric,  finally  found- 
er upon  the  rocks  of  logic 
—and  nobody's  hurt! 

138 

'Cis  not  how  much  you 
know,  but  what  use  you 
make  of  it. 


<£-s»y 

USft  and  gab  need 
1  only  folly  to  com- 

i_x£^sa^^*ir  /     9  / 

plete  an  idiotic  nosegay. 

Hypocrisy  is  a  trans- 
parent cloah  that  in  the 
end  reveals  more  than  it 
conceals. 

H  will  and  a  way  are 
two  things,  widely  di- 
vergent. 


[6H)N[)VreSS  is  the 
art  of  being  des- 
picable reduced  to  a  nicety. 


H  foolish  man  accepts 
a  smile  to  indicate  only 
joy  and  affection—  a  wise 
man  knows  also  that  it 
may  conceal  bate  and  con- 

tempt. 

*tt 
Che    fattest    chickens 

always  roost  the  highest. 


; 


to  contra- 
dict scandal  is  like 
trying  to  bail  out  a  puddle 
with  a  skimmer. 


Wickedness  is  the  art 
of  doing  naughty  things 
in  an  offensively  public 

manner. 

M7 

H  man  who  is  too  ready 
to  advise,  generally  has  a 
poor  quality  in  store. 


!CS  that  kind  of 
people  who  live  in 
glass  houses  who  lihe  to 
throw  stones, 


H  bore  inflicts  others, 
in  the  infinite  delight  he 
finds  in  listening  to  him- 

self. 

*5° 

Hn  ass  is  always  the 
most  an  ass  when  he  tries 
to  be  the  least  so. 


[JVLY  when  they  face 
death  do  men  re- 
alize that  life  is  like  a 
breath,  soon  blown  away, 
leaving  no  impression 
behind. 


Chere  are  people  so  en- 
tranced with  their  own 
goodness  and  who  try  so 
hard  to  follow  their  own 
example—  that  they  are 
continually  walking  upon 
themselves. 


OJVieCIJYieS  bless- 
ings come  to  us 
disguised  as  misfortunes. 


III  news  that  travels 
by  the  breath  of  gossip 
is  borne  on  a  foul  wind. 


|VHSIO]N[  is  the  chief 
weapon  of  coward- 


ce. 


H  reformer  is  often  a 
crank  with  leathern  lungs, 
who  strives  to  force  an  ill- 
digested  theory  on  an  un- 
willing world;  who  will 
not  accept  man  as  he  is 
made,  but  who  would  make 
man  as  he  would  accept 
him. 


hair,  a  loud 
voice  and  the  gift 
of  gab  doesn't  constitute 

wisdom, 

*59 
H  man  of  much  thought 

is  a  man  of  few  words. 

260 

Chere  are  many  great 
men  who,  if  bom  rich, 
would  have  been  unknown 
and  who  owe  their  suc- 
cess to  their  poverty. 


jf)6  example  set  by 
others  is  often  a 
false  guide. 


Che  cup  of  life  some- 
times holds  nectar,  some- 
times gall?  it  is  the  lot  of 
the  discontented  to  touch 
it  only  when  it  contains 

gall. 

163 

Wishes  are  unformed 
prayers. 


fOOL  speaks  be- 

fore he  thinks:  the 

think   before  they 


speak. 


Courtesy  and  grace  of 
manner  are  not  veneer, 
they  are  polish. 

266 

Che  Lord  expects  those 
who  seek  his  help,  to  do 
something  themselves  be- 
sides praying. 


167 
OU  see  but  one  side 

of  yourself  at  a 
time  in  a  mirror— your 
neighbors  are  able  to  see 
all  sides  at  once. 

268 

Some  people  spend  so 
much  time  in  worrying 
how  things  are  to  go  with 
them  in  heaven,  that  they 
do  little  to  make  things 
go  right  on  earth. 


:HO  babits  do  not 
descend,  tbey  grow 

upon  us. 

170 

Criticism,  is  tbe  art  of 
telling  bow  tbings  sbould 
be  done,  by  tbose  wbo  can- 
not do  tbem  tbemselvea 

171 

Cbe  world  is  a  queer 
place,  wbere  blockheads 
win  renown,  fools  get  ricb- 
es  and  bonest  men  starve* 


*"  /  ** 

to  greater  hero  than 
-««-!  he  who  conquers 
a  bad  habit. 

[273 

Chere  is  all  the  differ- 
ence in  the  world  between 
a  flatterer  and  a  friend- 
but  it  takes  a  wise  man 
to  detect  it. 

274 

Being  a  "good  fellow" 
is  a  costly  position. 


iO  a  liar,  even  the 
truth  will  sound 

absurd. 

176 

Cbc  gossip  and  the  mos- 
quito—neither science  nor 
the  Bible  can  tell  of  what 
use  they  are. 


H  cheerful  liar  is  a  harm- 
less idiot,  who  lies  because 
he  finds  it  easier  to  do, 
than  tell  the  truth. 


s  an 

insult  remembered 

much  longer  than  an  in- 
jury. 

270 

Compliments  are  bills 
of  exchange,  passing  cur- 
rent in  society,  which  are 
double  discounted  when 

received* 

280 

H  well  person  does  not 
appreciate  good  health. 


is  inhumanity  bor- 
dering on  Insanity. 


practical  jokes  make 
more  enmity  than  enjoy- 
ment. 


H  fashionable  reception 
is  an  assemblage  where 
people  meet  and  outward- 
ly smile  at,  while  inward- 
ly criticizing,  each  other. 


|66  always  dies  re- 
gretting the  idle 
hours  of  youth. 

285 

Diplomacy,  is  the  art  of 
seeming  to  tell  the  truth 
without  lying. 

*86 

H  suicide  4s  one  who 
finds  life  an  impossible 
conundrum,  which  he 
seeks  to  solve  by  ending  it. 


'6C  him  who  talks, 
remember,  that 
words  are  marks  indicat- 
ing plainly,  how  far  on 
the  road  to  wisdom  the 
speaker  has  gone. 

288 

Chere  is  more  danger  of 
ruin  in  success  than  in 
adversity— but  the  world 
is  full  of  people  who 
would  take  the  risk. 


[OLIClCS,istheart 
of  hunting  for  your 
own  preferment  under  the 
guise  of  patriotism. 

Chat  bird  with  the 
most  gorgeous  plumage, 
doesn't  always  sing  the 
sweetest. 

It's  the  dog  who  bites 
without  growling,  who 
hangs  on  the  hardest 


1C  is  very  easy  to 
tell  other   people 
how  to  spend  their  money. 

293 

Chose  people  who  find 
this  world  so  wicked,  fight 
the  hardest  against  leav- 
ing it. 

Some  people  are  so  puz- 
zled at  the  many  divergent 
paths  life  offers,  that 
they  fail  to  take  any. 


f OOL,  can  do  more 
harm  to  himself 
with  a  pen,  than  with 
poison.  ^  , 

200 

Chat's  a  desperate  fight 
every  woman  wages,  who 
struggles  to  detain  depart- 
ing youth. 

297 

flattery,  is  an  art  which 
wins  much  for  the  adept, 
but  gains  only  contempt 
for  the  bungler. 


O]MG  people  imagine 
they  are  religious, 
when  the  pleasure  and  ex- 
citement they  get  from  it, 
is  the  real  attraction. 

299 

Chose  are  unfortunate 
who  can  awake  respect 
and  esteem  in  people  they 
meet,  that  will  continue, 
only  until  they  become 
better  known. 


3OO 

[Rode  literature, 
is  a  miasma  arising 
from  the  pool  of  degener- 
acy, 

3OI 

Hn  Hnarcbist,  is  one 
who  plans  only  destruc- 
tion, without  thought  to 
upbuild. 

3O2 

Cime  will  fly  for  every- 
one, but  for  him  who 
waits. 


303 

>F>6  reward  of  indus- 
try is  good  exper- 
ience—idleness brings  only 
a  crop  of  bad  habits. 

304 

H  man,  swimming  in 
the  sea  of  adversity,  can 
have  no  better  life  pre- 
server than  pluck* 

305 

Sincerity,  is  not  art,  it 
is  heart. 


3O6 

f)O  would  drink  the 
cup  of  sorrow  to 
the  dregs,  let  him  marry 
a  fool  or  a  wicked  woman 
—for  the  one  once  born,  ia 
bound  to  become  the  other. 

307 

Chere  are  people,  who 
have  the  highest  regard 
for  their  own  opinions, 
because  they  themselves 
have  formed  them. 


308 

things  come  to 
him  who  wishes;  all 
things  come  to  him  who 

works. 

sop 

politeness,  is  the  art  of 
making  the  person  with 
whom  you  talh,  feel  he  is 
of  some  consequence* 

3 10 

H  rolling  stone  gathers 
no  moss— but  it  may  be- 
come beautifully  polished* 


311 

•6  is  most  agreeable 
in  company,  wbo  is 
serious  witb  tbe  serious, 
and  is  ready  witb  frivoli- 
ties witb  tbe  frivolous. 

312 

Cbe  difference  between 
a  Dude  and  a  man  of  sense 
is— tbe  Dude  values  bim- 
self ,  solely  on  bis  clotbes; 
wbile  tbe  man  of  sense 
despises,  but  does  not 
disregard  tbem* 


319 

|F>6  man  who  counts 
himself  famous  on 
the  praise  he  receives  from 
others,  will  soon  blow 
himself  down  by  his  own 
breath. 

32O 

Chere  are  people,  who 
thank  the  Lord  for  his 
good  will  in  trying  to 
make  the  world  good,  but 
prayerfully  insinuate  he 
is  making  a  mess  of  it 


.    ' 


321 

encounters  with 
burglars,  one  never 
bears  tbe  burglars'  side  of 
tbe  story. 

322 

Some  people  use  prayer, 
solely  for  tbe  purpose  of 
advising  tbe  Lord  wbat 
to  do* 

323 

Cbe  great  beart  of  bu- 
manity,  always  beats  true 
to  tbe  noblest  impulses. 


OOD  manners,  like 
the  mantle  of  char- 

ity, will  cover  a  multitude 

of  disadvantages* 


Ridicule,  will  crush  an 
opponent  quicker  than 

anger. 

326 

Xf  the  doctors  continue 
the  discovery  that  crime 
is  a  disease,  what  will  be- 
come of  the  preachers? 


,  with  too 

„_-_  many  people,  be- 
gins at  home  and  then  be- 
comes too  weak  to  venture 


Cbe  malignity  of  scan- 
dal mongers,  is  as  debas- 
ing as  tbe  scandal  itself. 

329 

Cbe  evil  we  do,  not  only 
lives  after  us,  but  plagues 
us  migbtily  before  we  go. 


33O 

|LI)V[OJVY,  is  the 
_  _i  fine  a  man  pays 
for  having  made  an  un- 
successful experiment 

331 

H  common  error,  made 
by  men,  is  the  mistaking 
of  debauchery  for  pleas- 


ure. 


332 


Crue  religion,  is  the  art 
of  being  sincerely  good, 
without  being  ridiculous* 


333 

[€OpL6,  who  use  a 
magnifying  glass 
to  sec  other  people's  fail- 
ings, can't  see  their  own 
with  a  telescope. 

334 

Knowledge,  good  breed- 
ing and  circumstances  en- 
abling him  to  appear  on 
the  footing  of  a  gentle- 
man, will  admit  a  man 
into  any  "good"  society. 


335 


art  most  superla- 
tively adorned,  when  prac- 
ticed by  the  fair 


336 

Chose  people  who  are 
ever  ready  with  "I  told  you 
so/'  are  generally  the  least 

knowing. 

337 

It  needs  only  a  little 
time,to  transform  "a  good 
fellow"  into  "a  poor  devil/' 


338 

O]MG  men  lead  such 
useless  lives,  that 
the  only  thing  to  be  said 
of  them  after  they  are 
dead,  is,  that  they  were 

once  alive* 

339 

H  base  ball  team,  is  an 
aggregation  of  illiterate 
gentlemen  from  all  parts 
of  the  earth— to  whom 
the  local  cranks  delight 
to  allude,  as  "we," 


ir>6RG  is  as  much 
agony,  in  the  grief 
of  a  well  thrashed  school 
boy,  as  in  that  of  a  man 
who  has  lost  his  millions. 


Tf  everyone  were  really 
right  who  think  they  are 
right-sinners  would  be  as 
rare  as  the  righteous  now 
are. 


^ 

[f  all  the  frivolities 
of  the  world  were 
ended,  more  than  half  the 
population  would  be  out 
of  employment 

3^3 

Some  people  go  through 
life  with  their  eyes  shut, 
and  only  open  them  in 
time,  to  be  face  to  face 
with  death. 


us  from 

the  bore,  who  can't 
sing,  but  who  agonizes 
you  by  continually  trying. 

M5 

Chere  are  people  so  ab- 
sorbed in  their  own  relig- 
ous  perfection,  that  it 
seems  impossible  to  them, 
that  there  can  be  any  left 
over  for  anyone  else.  . 


JIMOJ^G  the  bitterest 
annoyances  of  life, 
commend  the  fool,  who 
gll  fancies  everybody  else  to 
be  a  bore. 

H  crank  is  one  who  mis- 
takes a  little  object  for  a 
great  one,  and  gives  it  the 
time  and  attention  a  great 
one  only  deserves. 


T)HC  a  fine  world 
this  would  be,  if 
people  tried  half  as  hard 
to  get  into  heaven,  as  they 
do  to  get  into  society. 


Chere  are  people  who  oc- 
cupy themselves  so  much 
in  thinking  what  they  had 
rather  do-that  they  never 
succeed  in  doing  anything. 


350 

judgment  of 
other  people's  nils- 
takes,  is  apt  to  be  more 
severe  than  our  judgment 
of  our  own* 

35* 

H  Dude,  is  one  who  fan- 
cies people  will  measure 
bis  character  by  his  clothes 
—and  they  dol 


35* 

iF)6R6  are  people  so 
zealous  to  benefit 
their  fellow  men,  that  they 
are  ready  to  knock  them 
down  and  stamp  upon 
them  in  the  process. 

353 

Cbere  are  people  who 
would  be  happy,  if  they 
only  could  know  happi- 
ness when  they  saw  it. 


354 

CRH)VK  is  like  a 
musical  instrument 
with  one  discordant  note, 
which,  played  incessantly, 
drives   mad   those   who 

must  hear. 

355 

Che  loud  talking  man 
is  like  an  ass  braving  into 
an  empty  barrel,  who  mis- 
takes the  noise  he  makes, 
for  profundity. 


356 

is  one  of  the  mis- 
f  ortunes  of  the  un- 
fortunate, to  have  to  list- 
en to  advice  about  mis- 
fortune, from  those  who 
generally  know  it  not 

357 

Hn  education,  is  never 
complete  with  a  knowledge 
of  books  alone— it  re- 
quires a  knowledge  of  the 
world. 


358 

PIJ 

habit  of  many  idle 
women,  who  buy  what 
they  don't  want  for  mere 
diversion. 

*59 

Chose  people  get  out  of 
step  with  the  times,  who 
insist  on  taking  the  world 
as  they  would  have  it,  in- 
stead of  accepting  it  as 
it  is. 


a6o 


of  injuring  an  en- 
emy, without  injuring 
yourself  in  doing  so—  and 
is  rarely  accomplished. 

361 

Chat  is  no  charity,  when 
it  is  so  arrogant,  that  it 
bestows  insult  with  its 
beneficence* 


362 

is  the 

art  of  dispensing 
the  gospel  in  a  manner 
to  entertain,  at  the  same 
time,  not  offend  the 
wealthy  pew  owners. 

363 

Chere  are  people  who 
are  only  able  to  see  one 
side  of  a  question,  and 
insist  there  is  no  other. 


is  a  fault 
children  are  licked 
for  when  young,  and  an 
art  which  they  cultivate 

when  old. 

365 

Che  surest  way  to  get 
a  general  consensus  of 
opinion,  that  you  never  did 
amount  to  anything— is 
to  fail  in  business* 


366 

if)OS6  people  who 
are  pleased  too  eas- 
ily, are  as  disagreeable,  as 
those  who  are  pleased 
too  little. 

367 

Cbere  are  people,  who 
are  so  anxious  to  be  anx- 
ious, tbat  tbey  will  travel 
out  of  tbe  way  to  meet 
anxiety* 


368 

who  is  obsti- 
nate in  bis  batredd 
may  be  despised— but  not 
so,  if  be  be  equally  firm 
in  bis  friendships. 

369 

preserve  us  from  tbe 
fiend,  wbo  knocks  you 
down  witb  bis  bike,  tben 
rides  off  cursing  you  for 
being  in  tbe  way. 


370 

half  the  world 
listens  to  the  other 
half,  and  while  assenting, 
is  striving  to  separate, 
what  to  believe. 


372 

is 

an  art  enabling  one 
to  discover  from  people's 
looks,  what  their  words 
are  calculated  to  conceal 

373 

Che  ability  to  secure  a 
loan  is  always  at  an  in- 
verse ratio,  with  how  bad- 
ly you  need  it 


us  from 

the  bore,  who  yells 
at  you,  comments  on  your 
private  affairs  in  a  crowd- 
ed street  car. 

575 

preserve  us  from  the 
bore,  who  makes  you  des- 
pise yourself  for  forcing 
a  hypocritical  laugh  at  a 
stale  joke. 


376 

men  cry  out 
when  ill-luck  conies, 
strong  men  fight  silently, 
and  by  opposing  obsta- 
cles, end  them. 

377 

H  true  friend,  is  as  easy 
to  find  by  dragging  for 
him  in  the  sea,  as  by  search- 
ing for  him  among  men. 


378 

GOSSIp  is  a  pest- 
iferous Idiot,  whose 
propensity  for  making 
trouble,  is  only  measured 
by  ability  to  do  so. 

379 

H  scandal  monger  is  a 
social  scavenger  who  finds 
filth,  only  to  leave  it  more 
widely  spread* 


380 

people  fceep 
themselves  so  busy 
doing  nothing,  that  they 
never  accomplish  any- 
thing. 

381 

Cact,  is  an  art  which 
enables  one  to  linger  in 
the  domain  of  inoffensive 
dissimiilation,wbile  avoid- 
ing ignoble  deceit. 


382 

[6CR6C  of  letter- 
writing— Qlritten 
words— little  wit— many 
words— not  a  bit— never 
write— that  is  it. 

383 

Cares  are  like  clouds 
which  obscure  the  sky, 
only  to  make  the  glory  of 
the  sunshine  brighter* 


38+ 

who  rebukes  other 
people  for  doing  as 
they  would,  sets  himself 
up  on  a  pedestal  for  con- 
tempt. 

385 

'Cls  a  remarkably  self 
contained  man,  who  can 
kick  a  hat  with  a  brick  in 
it,  and  limp  away  with  a 
smile  on  his  face. 


386 

JO  be  noble,  requires 
certain  qualities 
of  mind,  to  be  vicious,  is 
within  the  power  of  any- 
one, from  a  prophet  to  a 

foot 

387 

Chat  eloquence  which 
leads  people  to  hurrah 
first  and  thinh  after- 
wards, possesses  more  of 
wind  than  wisdom. 


388 

fOOL  is  the  most 
easily  offended  of 
all  people— for  fools  are 
the  most  jealous  of  their 

dignity* 

389 

Chere  is  a  note  of  an- 
guish, in  the  singing  of 
the  singer  who  cannot 
sing— to  the  listener. 


apo 

[ReseRVeusfrom 
tbe  bore,  wbo  dis- 
courses to  you  upon  bis 
bodily  ills —just  wbere  bis 
aches  are,  and  just  what 
bis  pills. 


Tis  strange  nature  nev- 
er formed  any  person  so 
ugly,  but  tbat  tbey  were 
susceptible  to  personal 
flattery.. 


[COJTO)VIY,  is  the 
handmaiden  of  pros- 
perity-but  she  will  render 
poor  service  unless  direct- 
ed with  good  sense. 

Che  word  "snoozer," 
sounds  like  the  description 
of  a  man  who  does  no 
good  to  himself,  or  any- 
one else* 


I6C6SC  a  knave  and 
pity  a  fool,  but  be- 
tray not  your  feelings  to 
either,  or  your  enemies 
will  number  legions* 

395 

H  discreet  person  will 
never  interfere  between 
man  and  wif  e-unless  both 
are  dead. 


falling  from  a  ba- 
loon,  you  may  land  in  the 
mud,  or  on  a  picket  fence 
—you  are  sure  to  land 
somewhere, 

397 

Chough  Cruth  is  mighty 
it  often  emerges  from  con- 
tact with  "sassiety,"  in  a 
woefully  bedraggled  con- 
dition. 


BSeRVeusfrom 
the  bore,  who  in- 
sists in  telling  you  the 
denouement  of  a  story 
you  are  reading. 

399 

Che  most  assinine  of 
asses,  is  he  who  seeks  to 
cover  his  assininity  with 
the  cloak  of  religion. 


S]VIHLL  mind  will 
barfcor  anger  and 
revenge— a  broad  mind 
knows  the  exalted  pleas- 
ure of  f brgivenecs. 

<|O1 

Cbis  would  be  a  world 
of  sadness,  if  everyone 
knew  wbat  tbeir  neighbors 
really  tbougbt  of  tbem. 


•6  most  ridiculous 
of  liars,  is  the  one 
who  concocts  lies  to  exalt 
himself  in  the  opinion  of 

others. 

403 

«H  little  knowledge"  is 
so  dangerous  a  thing  to 
some  men,  that  it  keeps 
them  in  hot  water  all  the 
time. 


•6  will  march  the  more 
quickly  along  the 
road  to  success,  who  has 
health  and  industry  for 
companions. 


H  prodigal  is  one  who 
trades  his  youth  and  health 
for  pleasure,  and  gets  in 
return,  poverty  and  re- 
morse with  disease  to  boot* 


[OSC  of  the  pleas- 
ures dictated  by 
fashion  and  idleness,  are 
imaginary— not  real 


flirtation,  is  trifling 
with  the  most  sacred  of 
human  passions-it  begins 
in  carelessness  and  ends 


n  care. 


airs  only  be- 
come those  who 
have  a  right  to  wear  them 
-and  such  never  use  them. 

409 

Chere  may  be  such  a 
thing  as  too  much  con- 
science, but  there  is  no 
such  thing  as  too  much 
common  sense. 


GOOD  way  to  be 
as^w  pleasing,  is  to  ob- 
serve what  is  most  pleas- 
ing or  displeasing  in 
others* 

Sarcasm  is  a  sword 
without  a  handle,  Re  who 
wields  it  must  have  a 
care  that  he  himself  be 
not  cut. 


tbe  bore,  witb  a 
brawny  band,  wbo  disar- 
ranges your  digital  anat- 
omy wben  be  greets  you. 


Cbat  nobility  coming 
from  a  long  line  of  an- 
cestry cannot  equal  tbat 
of  an  bonest  life. 


f  QIX  purse  and 
an    empty    bead 
soon  change  conditions. 


Cbe  world  may  be  stow 
to  render  justice,  but  its 
fiat  is  sure  and  inalter- 
able* 


Cbe  heaviest  of  fashion- 
able mourning  may  con- 
ceal the  lightest  of  hearts. 


will  sometimes 
serve  a  man  such  an  ill 
turn,  that  merit  cannot 
afterwards  get  the  better 
oftt. 


THBENU 


i  fini." 


A     000  045  751     5 


A     000  045  751     5 


A     000  045  751     5 


^BBRSirCX 

iBHl^H^B 

^H^HBflM 
IH^^^HI 


